now i know why i became what i already was.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize