I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
