I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize