question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
