aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
