My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
