Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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