I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
