Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
