I have demons in me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize