Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
