you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
