I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
