Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
