nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
