dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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