I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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