I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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