he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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