There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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