I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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