Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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