glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
