you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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