Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
