Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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