Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
