Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
