If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
