i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he wants to bone in the snuggie
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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