Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
