if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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