He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
