Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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