I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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