He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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