One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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