Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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