dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
