he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm too high and old for this...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
