I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
