went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
