Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
