you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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