Plan B is the new Plan A
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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