Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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