one two three fourrrrnication!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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