I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
