you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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