I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
