I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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