More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
