I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
