It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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