ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
