I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
