my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
