no, he came in my armpit
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
