i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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