Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
