Non-Jews are for practice
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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