i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
