i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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