thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
