if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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