I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
