I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
