If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
