It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i now understand why vodka
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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